If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance that there are moments in your parenting that feel far from ideal. If you’re like me, you’re trying hard to get to a place where your parenting is deeply connected to your values, your goals and to who you are at the core.
By definition, being connected means being open to vulnerability. And while being vulnerable can be scary, it makes perfect sense. Because motherhood is nothing if not a big old helping of vulnerability…
So allow yourself the luxury of letting down your guard. Acknowledge it you ever feel disconnected from your kids. Or find yourself resenting the loss of freedom that motherhood brings. Maybe it seems like your kid behaves with everyone else except you. If that’s your reality, own it, and have a little compassion for yourself.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not implying that you shouldn’t love your offspring or that being a parent sucks 24/7. My hope is that you can make space for the idea that being a mom is hard, sometimes lonely work. And I’m promising you that you aren’t the only one who feels this way.
I know this because I’m a parent coach. Do you know how many moms take months and months to open up to me and to sheepishly admit that they feel like they don’t know what in the hell they’re doing? Or to tell me that they wish they could just run away from home sometimes?
Some are shocked when I tell them that I’ve heard it all before. Even as they’re experiencing the perfectly valid human emotions that so many moms can relate to, they never know it because they are not relating to a single soul. And in their isolation, they’ve been feeling like complete failures.
These women aren’t failures.
These women are brave. Brave for opening up to me. Brave for admitting that parenting is lonely and scary and that sometimes you are grasping at straws just trying to “do it right” and get through the day without losing it. Brave for wanting more and being willing to dig deep to get it. These women love their children, and they live in a culture that makes them feel that to love a child is to love every moment of parenting that child. They live in a culture where they are so worried about being seen as a bad mom that they can’t even talk to their closest friends for fear of being judged, even as their friends hide their own anxiety and boredom and sense of loss behind pretty instagram photos and summer camp spreadsheets and birthday party planning. Sigh…
So let’s just stop already. Let’s be real.
Do you ever lock yourself in the bathroom just to have a moment alone? Sometimes find yourself resenting the “special” times with your child even as you are consumed with guilt about it? Ever want to don your little black dress, go out with all of your childless friends and have a night where you are focused only on your own needs? Maybe you even have moments when you can’t even figure out why you wanted to have a kid in the first place.
Welcome to the freaking club. You are perfectly normal.
Being a mom is indescribable. It’s pure love. It’s transformative. It’s beautiful. It’s full of so much vulnerability and mind-numbing monotony and terrifying responsibility.
It’s all of it.
How can we survive without each other Mamas?
Find your tribe. Don’t judge other mothers for their choices. You have no idea what it’s like for them. Seriously. Support one another in moving beyond the fakery of modern parenthood, and be vulnerable with one another.
Moms. Mommies. Mamas.
Keep posting those cute photos of your kids. Keep telling your friends about the sweet moments that you shared with your child.
But share your less perfect moments too. Be willing to be vulnerable so that other mamas can do the same. And if you see someone struggling, make space. Make time. Be vulnerable. Together.